I never want to see another naked old woman again.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
