then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
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