Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
