I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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