puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
