i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
third nipple confirmed
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
