the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
