Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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