You just made me feel so damn special
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
