So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
