they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
