Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
