he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
