I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
