In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
