The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
