So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
