She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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