MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
