WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
