What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Life is so much better after having sex.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
