I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
