I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
