I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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