): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
