What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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