your parents love me but you hate me
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
