just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
