Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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