I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
