This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
