I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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