I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
