My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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