I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
