im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
