dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
