I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
