We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
So. Much. Porn.
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