Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
