you win again, gameday.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
