he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
