Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
