btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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