I wanna bring you to show and tell
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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