Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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