Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He better not be in your backpack
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
