I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
