I think i peed on brittanys purse
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
