Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
